To My Ex...

Dear EX,

It’s me. Today is December 19th, 2018. We have been over for around a year and six months.
And i recently went through therapy and we were talking about how it can help
to write letters to people so here is your letter of things i wish i could say to you.

** Warning: this is gonna be very mean and have lots of cussing**

You are an asshole. You are a piece of shit human.
Not only did you treat me like shit and make me think i was worthless;
i trusted you to take care of Kovu, our four legged son, when i got really bad off mentally at
the start of the year and you starved him. He was fucking skin and goddamn bones when
he came back to me. I know you fucking hate me but really. Kovu never did a fucking
thing to you. You’re a piece of shit. What type of person starves a fucking dog?
You and your joke of a wife fucking promised me you would take care if him.
I don't give a fuck if yall hate me. The hate between us doesn't have jack fucking shit to do
with Kovu. And then your wife is gonna have the nerve to say i don't care
about you or Kovu. i don't give a fuck about you because you're an asshole who
manipulated me and treated me like scum for 4 years to the point i contemplated suicide.
But i do love Kovu. There is a reason i call him my son. He has gotten me
through tons of shit and took care of me mentally when you failed. So don't you dare fucking
say i don't love him. You know how much i love him. Just because i got so bad off mentally i could
barely function, doesn't mean i don't love him. Even at my worst i still loved him and treated him
better than you did. Even on days i couldn't get out of bed, i still took better care if him than you
and your whole family. At least i fucking loved him.

You have spread so many lies about me that i don't know how you have friends anymore.
But jokes on you i always hated all your friends so the people you turned against me don't
matter to me and never did. All the people you have lied to saying i'm a bitch and i never
loved you. I dated you for 4 years. I did love you. I went to bat for you thousands of time.
I defended you to people till i was fucking blue in the face. I tried to help you learn to read.
I held you when your depression kicked in, even if mine was being an ass too. I had your
back even when you started shit with my brother, who is my life. When everyone i know
was telling me to turn and run and never look back, i had your back. I put you before everyone
and everything, even myself. I put up with you talking shit about everything i cared about.
I stayed by your side, even when you would make me feel like shit. I loved you on your good
and bad days. I stayed even when you would drink around me even after i said it makes me
uncomfortable. I took care of you when your PTSD would trigger. Not once did i belittle you
for you. Because i'm not a heartless bitch. I loved you. That's what people do that love someone.
They take care of them on all days, good or bad.

Now lets go over the things about our relationship i have issues with now that i am out of that
toxic ass situations:

• You wouldn't listen to me about anything. Id try to tell you something and you would ignore me or say i was lying. 
• You acted like you didn't know how to deal with my PTSD even when i told you how to help me when i got triggered. 
• You would literally trigger me for the hell of it because it was fun to you. You did this so many times, i didn't ever wanna have sex anymore and would have panic attacks at the sound of a condom wrapper opening. Something that still happens to this day, a year and a half out of our relationship. Yet when i would slightly do something that made you uncomfortable, not even trigger you, to prove a point you’d get upset and act like i'd done something awful. Unless it was on your terms and then you’d make me literally trigger you even when i fought you and told you id didn't want to. 
• You would get mad when i was having flashbacks because i would shove you off me and try to get away from you. As someone who says he also has PTSD, you sure don't act like it. Flashbacks are not fun. They are not something you wanna experience. They are scary. I have PTSD from being raped. Of course i'm gonna try to get you off me. Yes 10% of my brain realizes it is you, and that i'm not i'm that house again but the other 90% of my brain doesn't. When you see, hear, smell, and feel everything again it’s hard to realize you're safe.
• Due to 3 and 4 you fucking cheated on me. Because i couldn't have sex because you had triggered me over and over just for the hell of it to the point that i couldn't even hear a foil wrapper open without having a panic attack, you cheated on me. And then denied it even though i had fucking proof from the other girl. As if i didn't feel shitty enough about not wanting to have sex with you, you had to go cheat on me and make it 10 times worse.
• You were severely controlling and played it off like you cared about me. It took 6 months for me not to tell my current boyfriend everything i did. When i left for work, when i got to work, when i left work, when i got home, when i was on my way, when i got there, if i stopped at a gas station on my way because that's gonna mean i don't get there at the same time as usual. Every little thing, i had to tell you or you’d get mad. Because you would “worry”. If i'm 5 minutes late texting you,  it shouldn't be cause of worry. Maybe traffic was bad, maybe i stopped to get a drink, maybe i got home and mom or dad talked to me or i had to walk Kovu. It doesn't mean i'm dead on the side of the road. 
• You were constantly talking shit to and about my brother. Yet if i said one bad thing about yours you’d blow up. My little brother has bad enough mental health he doesn't need you putting him down. I will kill anyone who hurts my brother. I have been his sister, best friend, mom, caregiver, and shoulder to cry on all his life. So just because he isn't special needs like yours doesn't mean you can talk shit about him. 
• You would drink around me even when i told you multiple times, it makes me comfortable. You didn't care and would do it anyway. Yet if i did the same to you with something that made you uncomfortable, you’d blow up. Even when i was doing it to prove a point. 

I lied to my best friend and said you treated me good. The same best friend that is now
my boyfriend because he made me realize it was a lie. The man who you have talked so much shit
about because of his past. No one brings up yours. No one talks about your past. No one talks
about the fact that your future kids are going to have a child molester as a grandpa. No one talks about
how you went to to jail once. So why the fuck are you talking shit about his. His past is exactly that the
past, just like yours is. The past doesn't matter. What matter is the kind of person you are after it.
My boyfriend is an amazing man. He is there for me all the time. He hold me and when i get
triggered. He doesn't trigger me and avoids it if at all possible. He is always checking on me during
sex to make sure i'm still okay. Something you never did. I could go limp with you and quit
making any noise or talking and you’d keep going.The moment i get quiet, He stops and makes
sure i'm ok. He listened when i told him what triggers me and how i needed him to
take care of me when it happens. The first time me and him had sex, i cried.
Because holy god he was sweet. He talked me through every movement, every step,
everything he was about to do. He made sure i was ok. If i get triggered,
he is fine if we have to stop having sex because he knows there are other ways to have fun. He
is everything you never were. He is more of a man than you’ll ever be and he has had a rough past.
He made me feel like a person more than just a warm body to fuck and belittle.

So Ex. i hope you enjoy your life. Because i sure as hell am. I do not miss you. I am utterly happy. I couldn't ask for a better man to have replaced you. I wish you and your joke of a wife the best in the marriage. You two are just perfect for each other. 

- K